Hucknall meets his grisly end!

Mick Hucknall has been rushed to hospital after being attacked by his own reflection. Police arrived on the scene and arrested Mr. Hucknall’s reflection and brought it to Monte Carlo Garda station. Hucknall is said to be upset and astounded by the series of events.

Hucknall had been in his hotel room, getting ready for a show in the Monte Carlo Arms Hotel when the incident took place. Mr Hucknall said that he was brushing his red hair when he was surprised and beaten badly for up to six minutes. His attacker made off, but was picked up by local Gardai at a service station five kilometres away, eating a Twix.

The assailant was unrepentant and in a statement to the police regarding the events said,

“I don’t know what happened really. I’ve been there for a long time, but as Hucknall was singing into the mirror with his hairbrush, I just lost it. It only occurred to me then what an irritating face he has, and my only mission in life was decided. I had to hit him, hard.”

Mr Hucknall’s agent released a statement about the attack this afternoon.

Mick Hucknall and his assailant

Mick Hucknall and his assailant

“Mick Hucknall is a loveable Mancunian who has made it big in the world of entertainment.  The nature of this attack was extremely vicious and Mick believes it to be ‘premeditated.’ He hasn’t decided whether to press charges or not, but is disappointed that anyone should find him so disagreeable. He maintains he will continue his 140 date tour of Monte Carlo hot spots and will be staying with his close friend Richard Astley until everything blows over.”

Former bandmates expressed astonishment at the attack.

“I am really shocked,” said guitarist Sylvan Richardson. “Although, I suppose it was going to happen eventually. There’s something about his face. I left the band when I realised Mick was the only redhead in the band and that’s where the name came from. I was disgusted to have been duped. It didn’t make any sense. We were Simply Red, brown, black with blond highlights. He shouldn’t have taken that liberty with us.”

NEWSFLASH NEWSFLASH NEWSFLASH NEWSFLASH NEWSFLASH NEWSFLASH

Twenty minutes ago, Mick Hucknall’s reflection escaped from Monte Carlo penitentiary and is believed to be heading to the hospital where Mr Hucknall is convalescing. An inmate claimed that the reflection had been moaning in his sleep that he couldn’t get “that voice and those songs out of his head.”

It seems that this story will have an unhappy ending and I am sorry to have to be the bearer of bad tidings.

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